New Kid On The Blog

SATURDAY, 21-SEP-2008:

My period was due yesterday and suddenly, I felt pregnant – frequent urination, a heavy feeling in the lower abdomen, tender breasts and most of all back pain. I told Saimun that I think I was pregnant. I had a HPT at home but I didn’t want to find out yet.

SUNDAY, 22-SEP-2008:

On Sunday, I finally took the HPT and it was positive.

According to my own calculation, my EDD is on the 29th of May 2009. I am now 4 weeks pregnant (gestational) and my current weight is 45kg.

I wanted to save this diary for myself only but with the wrong click of a button, the news leaked to at least two people.

TUESDAY, 7-OCT-2008:

This afternoon, I suddenly started spotting pink discharge. It was like my worst nightmare had started all over again. It was extremely worrying. I spoke to the doctor on the phone and will be seeing her tomorrow morning. By late evening, the discharge had turned to bleeding – like I’m having my period. There was no doubt that I’m on way to another miscarriage. I didn’t rush myself to A&E this time. I just waited for it to be over.

BADLY NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO:

While feeling hopeless, I couldn’t stop worrying because I was also feeling hopeful. I wanted to talk to a friend (besides my husband) about it and thought about how nice it would be to have friends like Carrie in Sex & the City. There were several ‘candidates’ in my list – (1) Someone whom I’ve known since primary school, who sat next to me in class, who used to be my neighbour when I was in KL and someone who I used to hang out with the most. Used to. (2) Someone whom I’ve known since secondary school and whom I’ve been cyber-chatting with on a daily basis. She was just a click of a button away. (3) Someone who I met in Uni, we were never too “emotionally attached” but she is reliable and genuinely caring. (4) A few other primary ex-classmates I’ve been having “discussions” with regularly over the Internet. In the end, I chose the reliable and caring one. Thanks, SH. You were the one who called me all the way from the US to check if I’ve given birth to Dom. And you were the only one who called me (from anywhere in the world) the first time I miscarried. Just wanna let you know I appreciate that.

FRIDAY, 10-OCT-2008:

It was over. Saimun and I had been staying home since Wednesday and it was the best couple time we’ve had in a long time, with Dominic out of the way at the nursery. Today, I asked Saimun who his best friend is and if he was in my situation, who would be his buddy? He said he had none. He used to have a best friend but they probably talk to each other only once a year now.

MONDAY, 13-OCT-2008:

I wonder if I’ll ever give up trying.

# posted by Skye @ 8:19 am