Saturday, April 26, 2008
All Is Not Lost
26-APR-2008:
My pregnancy diary ended at 8 and a half weeks. It all started last Tuesday when I had my first sign of vaginal bleeding. By Wednesday evening, I had started passing fresh red blood and had made two calls to the NHS, spoken to two nurses and one doctor. On Thursday morning, I had myself checked by a GP and she couldn't find anything wrong with me. By now, I've heard the same phrase numerous times - vaginal bleeding is very common in early pregnancy and occurs to 80-90% of women. I was then referred to a gynae for further diagnosis. The appointment was to take place on Friday, first thing in the morning.
Thursday night, I passed a clot of blood the size of about 2-3cm. We went to A & E straight away. I was seen by a gynae who did a vaginal examination on me and gave me an ultrasound scan. We saw the baby and the heart was beating away healthily. Dominic saw it too. We told him that was "mummy's baby" but I'm not sure if he understood. Although the baby was fine, the gynae didn't sound very reassuring. She told us that "things can change overnight" - which was exactly what happened.
I was awaken in the middle of night by my first painful cramping. I passed a huge amount of blood into the toilet - which I later suspected was the foetus. I hope its heart wasn't still beating when I flushed it down the toilet. The cramping stopped immediately after that and I went back to sleep. I didn't panic anymore. I wasn't worried anymore. I had accepted the fact that it was not meant to be. I told Saimun that I had passed a huge amount of blood - and we both went back to sleep. There was nothing to be done.
The next morning, we were to see another gynae. I knew I wasn't pregnant anymore. I didn't feel pregnant anymore. Not that I felt any more pregnant than this before but somehow I felt lighter ... and different. We went to the hospital, had another scan and the gynae confirmed it - I've had a miscarriage. There was some "retained product" in my womb and I was given two choices - (1) to evacuate via operation (which I think is like sucking the retained product out through the vagina), or (2) let it pass out naturally - the term they use is "conservative management". I chose the latter and was admitted immediately.
I was discharged on Saturday morning. Throughout the entire procedure I was checked and scanned by so many doctors. I didn't have to get a 2nd opinion. I had a 2nd, 3rd, 4th and God knows how many opinions - I lost count. They like to do internal scanning - i.e. sticking a thing down the vagina and I hate that. I lost count of how many times my private part had been intruded. The hospital staff was wonderful. I've never imagined that public health service can be this good. The nurses were extremely kind and helpful. The doctors as usual were always too busy and showed less compassion, but they did a thorough job. The hospital itself was new, spotless and comparable to Sunway Medical Centre where I gave birth to Dominic. The choice of meals was a list that was too long for me to even finish reading. The only thing missing was a TV in the room. When I was discharged, we just walked out - there was no payment to attend to.
To all of you who told me that things will be fine, you were right. Things are fine - despite the tragic outcome. In fact, I can think of several positive outcomes from this incident.
(1) First of all, daddy had been wonderful. I haven't done any housework since Wednesday evening. He did everything, apart from cooking, and he took care of Dominic. He took good care of Dominic all by himself when I was at the hospital and today, he even prepared dinner. He came to the hospital 4 times a day, travelling to and from home and he brought Dominic to me, which no doubt cheered me up considerably.
(2) At least now I can fly back to Malaysia with no worries.
(3) At least now I can eat whatever I want.
(4) At least now I can look forward to our Redang trip and ride on a jet ski.
(5) At least now we can execute our original plan and try to have our baby in 2009.
(6) At least I didn't suffer any pain throughout the whole thing.
(7) At least the gynae said there isn't an increased chance of this happening again.
When things like this happen, people will often try to find a blame - on anything. Maybe it was because I walked too much. Maybe it was because I carried Dominic. Maybe it was because I ate too much fruits and raw vegetables. Maybe it was because we had intercourse. If it had happened a week later, maybe it was because I travelled on a plane. The last thing I want to hear is people telling me that it was something that I did. Again, daddy was wonderful. He has been extremely supportive and understanding and I am very grateful for that. His main concern is that I feel well and healthy. He took us out today and we had a wonderful time.
